When I first started in management, I felt the same way about giving feedback that I do about ten-pin bowling. Besides the ridiculous looking shoes, there is something about bowling that makes me feel inherently awkward. I focus, I line myself up with the pins, and I take a deep breath. But the moment before I release the ball, everything goes rogue. My steps up to the laneway look more unsteady than suave, and panic ensues. As the ball begins to roll to the pins, it suddenly takes an abrupt turn towards the gutter. I am left making absolutely no impact at all.
Feedback may feel the same way. No matter how many times you may have practised your delivery in advance, you leave the conversation feeling awkward and ineffective. In this, you are not alone. According to a research study conducted by Gallup, only 14.5% of managers strongly agree that they are effective at giving feedback.
As a leader, one of your top priorities is to support individuals to perform at their best, and a fundamental way to do so is to share effective feedback. A study done by Zenger/Folkman found that 72% of individuals thought their performance would improve if provided effective feedback. Furthermore, Officevibe asserts that 40% of individuals are actively disengaged when they get little or no feedback. Although giving feedback may not come naturally to you, it is a key skill to learn in order to sustain a high-performing and engaged team.
First, it’s important to understand the purpose of feedback. The purpose of sharing feedback is to be in service of an individual’s work. Then why does the service of sharing feedback feel so uncomfortable? Recent cognitive neuroscience research has an answer. According to LeAnn Renninger, cognitive psychologist and co-founder of LifeLabs, “the way that most people give their feedback actually isn’t brain-friendly”. So how do we make feedback to be brain-friendly? And what does brain-friendly even mean? Let’s first look at two phenomena: the Feedback Spectrum and the Negativity Bias.
The Feedback Spectrum
Consider your feedback delivery style to be on a spectrum where one side is truth and the other side is compassion. Each of us has a natural tendency to lean towards one end of this spectrum. If we tend to deliver feedback on the side of truth, we may believe that the only way we learn is with brutal honesty. If we tend to deliver feedback on the side of compassion, we may be fearful of hurting the other person with what we have to say. Take a moment to consider where you may fall on this spectrum.
When we deliver feedback that falls too heavily on either side of the spectrum, the individual who is receiving the feedback cannot take it on board because their brain cannot process it. When our feedback errs on the side of truth, the receiver’s brain perceives the feedback as a threat and shifts into defence against the threat, subsequently making it impossible to absorb any feedback being given. When our feedback errs on the side of compassion, the receiver’s brain doesn’t even register that it is getting feedback and therefore doesn’t absorb any of the information.
Simply having awareness around where you lie on the spectrum is a great first step to becoming more effective at sharing feedback.
The Negativity Bias
Our brain has evolved to acutely manage survival challenges. This survival management is broken down into two categories: pleasure and pain. To paraphrase how Rick Hanson, psychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness, describes the negativity bias: our ancestors had to seek things that were “carrots” of pleasure, such as food and shelter, while avoiding “sticks” of pain, like predators, threats, and danger. If you fail to get a carrot today, you always have tomorrow. But if you don’t avoid a stick today, there will be no tomorrow. As a matter of life and death, our brains evolved to pay extra attention to the sticks, developing what is known as the negativity bias.
Knowing our brains have an inbuilt negativity bias is important to note in the realm of feedback. If we think our feedback may come off negative or will be difficult for us to deliver, then we may avoid this stick of pain altogether. According to VitalSmarts Research, 70% avoid difficult conversations with colleagues.
If feedback truly is in service of another person’s work, then perhaps what feels negative is the way we are delivering feedback rather than the feedback itself.
The Feedback Formula
Thankfully, there is a formula that is proven to share feedback effectively. Over years of research, Renninger and her team studied effective feedback givers to observe what they did differently. And what they found can be distilled down into four steps.
1 | The Micro Yes
Before sharing feedback with an individual, you first want to ask a short question that lets the brain know that feedback is coming and creates buy-in from the individual. This simple question could be:
- “I have some ideas for how you could improve things, can I share them with you?”
- “Is it okay if I share some thoughts with you on…?”
- “I’ve noticed something that could use some improvement. Can we chat about it?”
- “I’ve got some feedback for you. Do you have a minute to chat?”
2 | Give Specific Data Points
The next step is to share specific data points of feedback. Without specific feedback, the receiver is left with no indication of what they need to change in the future. In fact, Officevibe found that 17% of employees feel that the feedback they get is not specific.
General feedback usually contains what Renninger describes as “blur words”. Blur words are words that can mean different things to different people, such as “proactive” or “creative”. Asking someone to be more proactive may be interpreted by one person as preparing for all possible scenarios, and by another person as taking initiative. Although it may seem clear to you are communicating, it is most often not clear to the receiver.
Convert these blur words into actual data points to highlight exactly what behaviour you want the other person to increase or diminish. Instead of telling someone that they were not proactive, you could point out that they did not prepare an alternative backup plan.
For those that lie on the truth side of the spectrum, converting blur words into specific data can make sure that your feedback is supportive, not severe. And for those that lie on the compassionate side, sharing specific data may seem quite direct. But as Brene Brown, author of Dare To Lead, states: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind”. Giving feedback that is specific and actionable supports the receiver in their future work.
3 | Share The Impact
The next step is to share the impact so that the receiver understands how their actions impacted you, the team, or the workflow. Sometimes when sharing feedback we may come across as micro-managing or nitpicky, when in reality we just haven’t given the full context of why this feedback is important for the receiver to know. Sharing the impact when giving feedback gives your receiver a sense of logic, purpose, and meaning. An impact statement can be something like: “Because we didn’t have an alternative backup plan, we had to deliver the project three weeks later than promised to the client”.
4 | Ask A Question
Lastly, it’s essential to end your feedback with a question to create joint problem-solving. Here are a few questions that encourage collaboration:
- “How do you see it?”
- “This is what I’m thinking we should do. What are your thoughts?”
- “Where do you need support in this?”
- “Next time could you…?”
Concluding with a question allows the receiver to process aloud, and it also gives you the opportunity to understand how effective you were in your delivery. If you are met with defence, you will know you may have leaned too much on the truth side of the spectrum and was perceived as a threat. If the receiver responds with an absent nod, you may have erred too much on the compassion side of the spectrum and the receiver isn’t clear on the feedback you intended to give.
The Proof Is In The Practice
This four-part formula may feel cumbersome or awkward at first but like any learned skill, the more you practise it the easier it gets. Start by using the formula to share positive feedback until you get more comfortable with the flow. Sharing feedback on strengths is just as important as sharing feedback on improvements. A report done by Workhuman found that 69% of employees say they would work harder if they felt their efforts were better recognised. Plus, sharing feedback for strengths and improvements helps foster a culture that understands that sharing feedback is in service of another person’s work. Another way to build a feedback culture is to model behaviour that you want to see. So regularly ask for feedback from others to create an open and cross-collaborative dialogue.
Conclusion
When I learned of Renninger’s four-part formula, my ability to effectively deliver feedback dramatically improved. It not only meant the receiver’s brain could relax, but my brain could relax too. No longer did I need to muscle my way through an awkward conversation, and the feedback I shared truly was effective at being in service of the individual and their work. So give this feedback formula a try…some may say it’s even easier than ten-pin bowling.
Learn more about getting support and training for your team to create a feedback culture.